Unexpected treasures I discovered on a 6-week “mid-life crisis” road trip
When I crossed the proverbial bridge to start the next chapter of my life, it came in the form of a six hour flight across the Pacific Ocean and over 4,000 miles of driving across the country. I manifested this transition with peaceful clarity, self compassion and gratitude for my beautiful life. I knew it was coming because I was the catalyst.
I finally listened to all of the quiet whispers, gut punches, bricks to my head and stabbing heart pains. After 6 months of deep, soul prep work, transforming from caterpillar to butterfly, it was time to fly again.
The only plan I had for this adventure was to have no plan….and hang out with some beautiful, old friends. I knew that I was driving from Las Vegas to Pittsburgh. I knew that I had friends and places to stay every 6–9 hours. I knew I could stay as long as I needed and I didn’t want to drive at night. I knew that at some point I would end up at my parents house in Michigan.
The experiences, rest stops, connections and metaphorical lessons could never be planned or even vaguely anticipated. In no particular order, here’s a few gold nuggets I picked up along my 7,000-mile journey.
Walking away was not failure. It’s the bravest thing I’ve ever done.
My Hawaii life was unbelievable. Love. Career. Beautiful people. Paradise.
A life I couldn’t have imagined in my wildest dreams. My heart is filled with Aloha forever.
“Was it real, or just a dream?” -Frank Baum, Wizard of Oz
Oddly enough, this life still felt like a dream. Temporary. I had changed. My desires changed. The work I was willing to do changed. My tunnel vision of achievement, growth and adventure was in the driver’s seat and I stopped listening to my heart and gut. When I finally took a rest stop to assess my 40 years of life thus far, I felt like I was suffocating under a huge pile of bullshit. It was time to put the oxygen mask back on myself and get a breathe of fresh air.
Relationships make my cup overflow.
After a lifetime of using achievement and money as measurements of “success”, I am rich with an expansive collection of unexpected friendships. My tribe has lifted me up, helped me grow and been the light when mine was nearly burnt out. People are in my life for a reason; to be my mirror and fill me with love. Trusting and loving myself first, magnetizes ‘my people’.
I finally understand what “Home” means.
It was with me all along so I can stop searching. Home is my highest self, deep in my core. Authenticity. Unconditional love for myself. I can also deeply trust when I have a feeling of “home” in people and places, and it’s pure joy!
“Our capacity to love others will always be limited by our capacity of love we have for ourselves” — Mark Groves
The universe speaks in mysterious ways.
It may be a song, a smell, crossing paths with an animal or my own voice. Like when I was on my way to the Wizard of Oz museum and Judy Garland was referenced on a podcast the moment I parked at the Kansas Welcome Center. Or when I was leaving Denver and was validated by a road sign for Cedar Point (a city in Colorado), less than 24 hours after I booked my trip to the amusement park.
Pay attention to the little synchronicities or the quiet whispers in the mind, especially when it’s crazy weird and inexplainable to anyone else. I know that I’m being guided and that’s enough to take another step forward.
The magic happens when I’m busy being present.
I see things that others don’t and I see much clearer when I’m in the moment, with no anticipation of the future or worries from the past. My favorite memories from this trip, and nearly all powerful memories in my life, could never have been planned. The sweet nectar of life comes in moments.
Bread crumbs and rabbit holes are equally important paths to follow curiosity.
Traveling with no plan means no guarantees, which also means that the opportunities to discover are endless. If I had a plan, I may have never known Georgia O’Keeffe. Or meditated in a labyrinth at her summer ranch in New Mexico. I never would have climbed a 160 foot condemned spiral staircase to a castle spire to get a bird’s eye view of a steel dragon from one man’s dream in Pueblo, Colorado. Trust the little voice inside and let life unfold!
Look for butterflies.
They come around to let you know you’re on the right path. I believe that butterflies symbolize embracing transformation, guidance from ancestors and a reminder of the butterfly effect, meaning small events create impactful ripples for the future. Moths are butterflies too. They find the light in the darkness. One landed on me once. I’m honored.
Laugh!!
Laugh with yourself. Find others who make you laugh and be a person who inspires others to laugh. I also got a great ab workout when a friend put on stripper boots with inappropriate yoga pants and danced to Beyonce’. Love and joy comes in moments.
Dance!!
Dance by yourself. Dance with your friends. A dance floor could be anywhere. Even if it’s in a secret room in a disorienting, interactive art exhibit created by the Game of Thrones creator. Make margaritas or a Blue Apron dinner and turn on Beyonce’s “Homecoming” documentary (“Beychella”). Skip with a 6 year old on the actual yellow brick road in Kansas. Move with joy!
Cry!!
Let yourself cry. Even if it’s at a rest stop in the middle of Kansas after hearing “Girl on Fire” and you don’t know why you’re crying. Sometimes crying doesn’t mean sadness. It could mean that you fucking did it and you’re validating all the work finally paying off. Or maybe it’s just a full moon.
Trust the great ‘Circle of Life’.
Hakuna Matata. Life is not linear. It could be a circle, a rollercoaster or even a spiral. Sometimes a storm is exactly what‘s needed to recalibrate, rejuvenate and spark a fresh start.
We are all connected. Trust that what is meant to come back to you, will return with even more love and clarity.
Leave a place better than when you found it.
Being frugal is more natural when you‘ve just walked away from a full-time career and are taking time to recalibrate. Stay humble, express gratitude and earn a place to stay by washing the dishes, manual labor, gardening, taking dogs for walks, reading books to kids, cleaning the house, doing laundry or unconditional listening.
Great adventures can also be experienced alone.
Hike, walk, run, explore by yourself AND with others AND do it outside whenever possible. Say YES even if you have to go by yourself.
Climb a mountain, explore a national park, eat gelato at an outdoor cafe, stroll around a community during a street festival, eat tacos at a farmer’s market for breakfast or ride a kiddie train in a tiny town made out of doll houses.
“When she learns to hold her own hand, she befriends the entire world” — Thug Unicorn
Go to an amusement park by yourself.
Not only is it easier to get the front row seats on the biggest and fastest rides, but you can share the anticipation with perfect strangers. I can now say that going to Cedar Point by myself was one of the most liberating experiences of my entire trip. Do it!
It’s easier to run further when you don’t know how far you’re going.
Just run to run. Enjoy the journey. When there is no attachment to the outcome, life becomes more like play instead of work.
Rest stops don’t always look like rest stops.
It could be a Pueblo community cave dwelling, a castle in the woods, a ghost ranch in the desert, soaking in sacred hot mineral springs, a natural history museum, running the stairs of a renowned amphitheater, reading a book on a windowsill waiting for a friend to finish work, a stroll on a college campus, a swing at a community park or a hot coffee by the lake with rollercoasters screaming in the distance.
When the road seems long or you get lost, find your favorite friends and take a nap in the poppy fields…or drink some tequila. When you wake up, you’ll have fresh eyes!
Surrender your ego.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Call yourself out on your own bullshit and find others who will do it too. Compassion is not just for others. Practice on yourself.
P.S. “Don’t believe the things you tell yourself while possessed by the demons of your inner shit”- Thug Unicorn
Stay hydrated.
It makes everything easier and generally more enjoyable. Coffee, tequila, wine and craft cider beer catches up to you in a 30 minute, black light Versaclimber class at 5,280 feet above sea level. It also feels better to drink water when you haven’t gone to the bathroom in 3 days and you’re hiking 7 miles into the snow. Keep it simple. Or with a little lemon and sea salt.
It doesn’t have to be fun, to be fun!
Standing in line for a rollercoaster for 2 hours for a 2 minute ride but meeting fun strangers and watching teenagers be awkward.
Running really far or up crazy hills but getting overwhelming downloads from the universe or having deep conversations with a friend.
Long airport delays after months of anticipation but it’s more than worth the wait.
The small joys ARE the big joys.
Taste the sweet nectar of life! Here are a few from my trip…
Share the nectar!
Pass along the joys from one place or person to another. Aloha spirit. Trader Joe’s pancake bread. Gay of Thrones. Everything but the Bagel seasoning. Forrest Yoga. Disco lights. Oracle Cards.
